Just about everywhere you go these days, you’re as likely as not to be within shouting distance of an internet connection. WiFi hotspots and internet cafes are popping up all over the place, everywhere from coffee shops to laundromats. And all over the globe: YouTube in Yucatan, Netflix in Nepal, Facebook in Fiji …
So why can’t I get a signal in Mammoth Cave, Kentucky?
It turns out there are limits to just how much ‘world’ the world-wide web really covers after all. So no matter how long your ethernet cord, or how tall your WiFi antenna, here are 10 places that you’re just not gonna get that Justin Bieber music video (lucky you):
- Spe-lunk! Went My Signal – OK, so maybe a 15-inch LCD screen isn’t the prescribed light source for caving. So sue me. We all have our addictions. I thought Mammoth Cave would be a great place to watch “The Descent” on Netflix. Silly me.
- The Subway – It’s probably just as well, since most mornings it’s too crowded for me to even lift my arms, much less open my smart phone. But checking out last night’s Grey’s Anatomy would sure beat having to look at the back of this guy’s head for the next 45 minutes. Three words: Head. And. Shoulders, buddy.
- Elevators – Why is there always a flaky scalp in front of me everywhere my smart phone won’t connect?
- Sect. 682 Row D Seat 11 Lambeau Field - What? How else am I supposed to see the game from up here? Do you see the size of those guys? They look like ants from these seats. And I can’t quite tell with that cheese on his head, but I’m guessing this guy in front of me has got some snow on the roof too. Yep. Definitely a pattern developing here.
- Moses Lake, Washington - There’s a few spots in town, alright, but out here on the actual lake it’s just me and the mallards. The good news is that I don’t see any dandruff on any of them.
- The North Pole – This one’s unconfirmed, but since Santa has yet to reply to any of my emails about that new iPad, I’d say it’s a pretty good guess. Otherwise, no more cookies and milk for you!
- The Lion’s Den, Big Cat Trail San Diego Zoo - Who’s going to prove me wrong? You?
- St. Patrick’s Cathedral, Confessional Booth – Hey, I was just trying to explain that weekend in Cabo with the help of a YouTube video.
- Graves County Public Library, Mayfield, KY - At least not anytime I’ve gone in there.
- Just About Anywhere… when your battery level is low. It’s a good idea to use that calendar on your phone as a backup to your low-battery indicator, to give you a text and alert chime reminder to recharge every couple of days. More often if you’re in a weak signal area, where your battery will drain faster searching for a signal. Set your backlight to a reduced brightness and shorter duration to conserve the juice.
As you can see, there aren’t many places left where internet isn’t available. If you’re looking to get away from it all, the only way to leave it all behind is by not taking it with you. So every now and then, just shut that thing off and enjoy the view, dandruff and all. We need to recharge our own batteries too.